Today I drove up from my house to North Platte to go to a friends funeral in the morning.
I heard about the death through Facebook which, I must say, is not the greatest of ways to hear that a friend died. Of course, there’s probably no good way to give the news.
For some reason I am having a hard time convincing myself that this is real. I’m still not sure what to think. Or how to feel.
Many of my friends have died, so in a way I’m used to it. But am I emotionless because I’ve been hardened by exposure? No, that’s not it at all. Death still affects me very strongly, in a deep emotional way.
The last funeral I remember was for a friend’s wife who I never really knew, and, to be completely honest, I hadn’t seen the guy in so many years I mistook him for his older brother. That was embarrassing. I went to that funeral sort of as a show of support, and also because the news really hit me hard. It’s been a long time since I’ve wept such tears. Why did that death affect me so much?
Those without faith might say that the sorrow is that of separation, that I am in sorrow because I’ll never see the person again. But what of those of the faith? We know that, if a person has been justified, we will see them again.
So on the one hand I could say something ultra-spiritual like “I am not weeping because I know I’ll see this person again.” But that’s not why.
I guess it’s just because I don’t really think it’s real. Intellectually I “know” it to be true: I’ve heard the news from multiple people. But inside I guess…
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